glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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