i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
