i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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