The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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