Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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