I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
