based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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