its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
