Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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