I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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