i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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