woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
