Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
