my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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