I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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