C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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