I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
