I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
