Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never too late to be topless.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize