Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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