**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
