Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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