Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
