Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
