i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
