Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
