smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
