Sry I called you an 8
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
