Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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