I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
