Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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