Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
