my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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