the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
