I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You are a genius and a whore.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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