I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
