Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
