It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
