Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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