I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
