My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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