Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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