Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
