We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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