Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
