I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
