You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just had sex on a roof
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
