they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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