They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
