Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
