If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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