Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
