It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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