Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
