Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize