She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My dick has a subreddit
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
there is glitter all over my balls
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
