I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
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i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize