apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
