Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
