Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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