Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
