Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
