my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
