But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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