do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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